3 Coping Strategies to Use When You Are Feeling Overwhelmed

If you find yourself overwhelmed with emotions and you are not sure what to do in those moments to calm yourself, check out the article below on my three go-to coping strategies when feeling overwhelmed.

One of the most common answers I receive from clients when I ask “How are you today?” is “overwhelmed.” First, it’s important to unpack what overwhelmed means. Are you flooded with emotions because your partner or colleague brought up a difficult topic? Are you struggling to “keep your cool” when receiving feedback from others? Are you experiencing increased heart rate, sweaty palms or feeling fidgety? Do you feel there is too much to do with too little time?

Any of these situations could trigger your sympathetic nervous system (SNS), which controls the fight/flight/freeze response. It’s an automatic response to a perceived threat and it’s crucial for your survival. The trouble is when the SNS gets overstimulated, it can lead to perpetual state of overwhelm, which in turn can translate into inability to get a restful sleep, decreased appetite or in turn increased appetite especially using food to self-soothe.

How do you counteract this response? By activating the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS). PNS helps your body and in turn your mind return to a more balanced state. Below I describe my three go-to coping strategies you can use when you feel overwhelmed (aka when your SNS has kicked into high gear).

Square Breathing

Put one hand on your heart and one on your belly (if you are in public, you can do this exercise without anyone being aware by just focusing on your breath). Inhale for 4 counts and feel your stomach fill up like a balloon. Hold for 4 counts. Exhale for 4 counts as you feel your stomach deflate like a balloon. Hold for 4 counts. Repeat 4-6 times.

Utilize Your 5 Senses

1. Vision - Look around you and name 3 things that are square or 4 things that are blue, etc.

2. Hearing - Focus on the sounds you hear and name them. If the situation allows it, listen to your favorite song or artist.

3. Smell - Use your favorite hand lotion and focus on its smell. Or use a small bottle of essential oil such as lavender or eucalyptus and take a few deep breaths.

4. Taste - Have a mint or a piece of your favorite gum. Or make a cup of your favorite coffee/tea and focus on the flavor.

5. Touch - Place an ice pack on your neck or behind your ears, take several deep breaths as you feel the coldness of the ice pack. Alternately, use a frozen orange or lemon on your neck, behind your ears, roll it on your face or squeeze in your hands. Once again, take several deep breaths and focus on the sensation of the coldness.

Self-Compassion Break (adapted from Dr. Kristin Neff)

When you are dealing with a stressful situation or being tough on yourself for something you did or said, call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body. Place your left hand on your heart and your right hand on your belly, and say to yourself:

1. "This is a moment of suffering."

That’s mindfulness. You are acknowledging what is happening in the moment. Other options include:

• "This hurts."

• "This is a difficult moment"

• "This is stress."

2. "Suffering is a part of life."

That’s common humanity. You are acknowledging you are an imperfect human being. Other options include:

• "Other people feel this way."

• "I’m not alone.:

• "We all make mistakes in our lives."

3. "May I be kind to myself"

You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:

• "May I give myself the compassion that I need."

• "May I learn to accept myself as I am."

• "May I forgive myself."

• "May I be strong."

• "May I be patient."

This practice can be used any time of day or night, and will help you remember to evoke the three aspects of self-compassion when you need it most.

The goal of each of these exercises is to help you ground in the present moment and bring equilibrium back between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system, which in turn will allow you to think more clearly and make decisions that are in your best interest in a given situation.

If you found these strategies helpful and need further assistance, feel free to reach out with any questions or to schedule a 20-min complimentary consultation.

Veselina Hristova Jones, LICSW, is a Boston-area therapist based in Wellesley, MA, who specializes in anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. She provides compassionate, evidence-based therapy to adults across Massachusetts through secure online sessions, as well as in-person therapy for clients in Wellesley, Newton, Weston, Needham, Natick, and Framingham.