If you find yourself overwhelmed with emotions and you are not sure what to do in those moments to calm yourself, check out the article below on my three go-to coping strategies when feeling overwhelmed.
One of the most common answers I receive from clients when I ask “How are you today?” is “overwhelmed.” First, it’s important to unpack what overwhelmed means. Are you flooded with emotions because your partner or colleague brought up a difficult topic? Are you struggling to “keep your cool” when receiving feedback from others? Are you experiencing increased heart rate, sweaty palms or feeling fidgety? Do you feel there is too much to do with too little time?
When your brain perceives a threat or significant demand, your body's stress response can activate automatically. Your heart rate may increase, your muscles may tense, your thoughts may race, or you may have difficulty concentrating. Grounding, breathing, and self-compassion practices cannot remove the stressor itself, but they can help create enough space to respond more intentionally rather than reacting from a place of overwhelm.
When you are overwhelmed, the first goal is not necessarily to solve everything that is causing the stress. Often, it is more helpful to first bring your attention back to the present moment and help your body settle enough that you can think more clearly about what to do next.
Overwhelm can look different from person to person. You may feel physically activated and unable to sit still, emotionally flooded and tearful, mentally scattered, or completely shut down. That is why having more than one coping strategy available can be helpful.
Square Breathing
Put one hand on your heart and one on your belly (if you are in public, you can do this exercise without anyone being aware by just focusing on your breath). Inhale for 4 counts and feel your stomach fill up like a balloon. Hold for 4 counts. Exhale for 4 counts as you feel your stomach deflate like a balloon. Hold for 4 counts. Repeat 4-6 times.
If holding your breath feels uncomfortable or makes you feel more anxious, skip the holds and simply experiment with a slow, comfortable inhale followed by a slightly longer exhale. Coping strategies are not one-size-fits-all, so the goal is to find what helps your body feel more grounded.
Utilize Your 5 Senses
Vision - Look around you and name 3 things that are square or 4 things that are blue, etc.
Hearing - Focus on the sounds you hear and name them. If the situation allows it, listen to your favorite song or artist.
Smell - Use your favorite hand lotion and focus on its smell. Or use a small bottle of essential oil such as lavender or eucalyptus and take a few deep breaths.
Taste - Have a mint or a piece of your favorite gum. Or make a cup of your favorite coffee/tea and focus on the flavor.
Touch - Place an ice pack on your neck or behind your ears, take several deep breaths as you feel the coldness of the ice pack. Alternately, use a frozen orange or lemon on your neck, behind your ears, roll it on your face or squeeze in your hands. Once again, take several deep breaths and focus on the sensation of the coldness.
Self-Compassion Break (adapted from Dr. Kristin Neff)
When you are dealing with a stressful situation or being tough on yourself for something you did or said, call the situation to mind, and see if you can actually feel the stress and emotional discomfort in your body. Place your left hand on your heart and your right hand on your belly, and say to yourself:
1. "This is a moment of suffering."
That’s mindfulness. You are acknowledging what is happening in the moment. Other options include:
"This hurts."
"This is a difficult moment"
"This is stress."
2. "Suffering is a part of life."
That’s common humanity. You are acknowledging you are an imperfect human being. Other options include:
"Other people feel this way."
"I’m not alone.:
"We all make mistakes in our lives."
3. "May I be kind to myself"
You can also ask yourself, “What do I need to hear right now to express kindness to myself?” Is there a phrase that speaks to you in your particular situation, such as:
"May I give myself the compassion that I need."
"May I learn to accept myself as I am."
"May I forgive myself."
"May I be strong."
"May I be patient."
This practice can be used any time of day or night, and will help you remember to evoke the three aspects of self-compassion when you need it most.
These strategies are intended to help you get grounded enough to decide what comes next. Sometimes that means returning to the problem with a clearer mind. Other times, it may mean taking a break, asking for support, setting a boundary, or recognizing that the amount you are carrying needs to change. Coping skills are useful, but they should not become another way of helping yourself tolerate a situation that is fundamentally unsustainable.
If you found these strategies helpful and need further assistance, feel free to reach out with any questions or to schedule a 20-min complimentary consultation.
You May Also Find Helpful
Why You Feel Overwhelmed All the Time (And What Your Mind Is Trying to Tell You)
Why High-Achieving Women Burn Out: The Hidden Cost of Being the Responsible One
The Power of Self-Compassion: How Being Kinder to Yourself Helps With Anxiety and Perfectionism
The Perfectionism-Anxiety Loop: Why You Are So Hard on Yourself
People-Pleasing and Boundaries: How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty
Veselina Hristova Jones, LICSW, is a Boston-area therapist based in Wellesley, MA, who specializes in anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. She provides compassionate, evidence-based therapy to adults across Massachusetts through secure online sessions, as well as in-person therapy for clients in Wellesley, Newton, Weston, Needham, Natick, and Framingham.
