Why High-Functioning Women Still Feel Overwhelmed (Even When They Are Doing Everything Right)
You Are Doing Everything Right So Why Do You Still Feel Overwhelmed?
You have read the articles, tried setting boundaries and you are more aware of your patterns. However, something still feels off.
You are still:
mentally exhausted
questioning yourself
feeling like you’re falling short
This is something I see often, especially in women who are highly capable and used to holding everything together.
I recently shared more about this in a feature with Canvas Rebel, where we talked about a pattern that doesn’t always get named:
You can look like you have it all together and still feel overwhelmed on the inside.
The Hidden Patterns Behind High-Functioning Anxiety
Many of the women I work with are not struggling because they aren’t capable. They are struggling because they have been operating under patterns that are exhausting to sustain. Some of the most common include:
Perfectionism
The belief that things need to be done the “right” way or not at all.
People-Pleasing
Saying yes when you mean no, often at your own expense.
Constant Self-Criticism
An internal voice that focuses on what’s missing instead of what’s working.
Over time, these patterns create a cycle:
You push yourself to meet expectations
You rarely feel satisfied
You question yourself
You push harder
And eventually, that leads to burnout.
A Small Moment That Reveals a Bigger Pattern
One of the stories I shared in the article comes from early in my clinical training. After a group session, my supervisor gave me positive feedback. My immediate response?
“Yes, but I could have done it better…”
He stopped me and said: “The only response to a compliment is thank you.”
At the time, it felt like a small correction. But over the years, I have realized it reflects something much deeper.
Many people struggle to:
Receive positive feedback
Acknowledge their strengths
Let something be “good enough”
Instead, they minimize, deflect, or shift to what they should have done differently. That’s not just a habit. It’s often a reflection of how they relate to themselves.
Why This Matters More Than You Think
If you can’t take in what’s going well, you will always feel like you are falling short. Even when you are doing more than enough.
This is where anxiety and depression often take hold, not because someone isn’t capable, but because their internal experience doesn’t match their external reality.
What Actually Helps Shift These Patterns
This isn’t about becoming a completely different person. It’s about making small, intentional changes in how you respond to yourself.
Here are a few starting points:
1. Notice the “Yeah, But…” Response
Pay attention to how often you deflect or minimize something positive.
2. Pause Instead of Correcting Yourself
Instead of immediately shifting to what could be better, try staying with what went well.
3. Practice Receiving
Even if it feels uncomfortable, try simply saying “thank you”.
4. Reconnect With Your Values
Ask yourself: What actually matters to me? Not what you think you should be doing.
You Don’t Have to Keep Doing It This Way
Many of the patterns that lead to anxiety and burnout are learned, which means they can also be unlearned. That doesn’t happen overnight. But it does start with awareness. And small shifts, practiced consistently over time.
Read the Full Feature
If this resonates, you can read the full interview here: https://canvasrebel.com/meet-veselina-hristova-jones/
You May Also Find Helpful
High Functioning Anxiety and People Pleasing in Women: Why You Feel Responsible for Everything
Why You Feel Overwhelmed All the Time (And What Your Mind Is Trying to Tell You)
How to Prioritize Yourself Without Guilt (Even If It Feels Wrong)
Veselina Hristova Jones, LICSW, is a Boston-area therapist based in Wellesley, MA, who specializes in anxiety, depression, and relationship issues. She provides compassionate, evidence-based therapy to adults across Massachusetts through secure online sessions, as well as in-person therapy for clients in Wellesley, Newton, Weston, Needham, Natick, and Framingham.
